Distrust by Design

Emotion is a conditional state. We frequently say we want "unconditional" love. It doesn't exist. That's a coined phrase that's been branded into our psyches. We've all fallen for it. Look at love in itself. We can love openly and freely, yet when pain becomes part of the equation, the condition becomes injured/weakened. The only person expecting to eliminate "conditions" at this point, is the person creating the pain*. Some people actually try to quote biblical scriptures, suggesting forgiveness. The truth of the matter is, we have been conditioned to NOT actually love. We can only act as if.

We refuse to sacrifice selfish "requirements" and/or superficial wants in the name of love. We have to make certain impressions. The average person struggles with taking responsibility for pain he/she has caused. This person typically has experienced and/or witnessed abusive behavior, as an accepted norm. We have been conditioned for centuries to: not trust one another, not believe in ourselves, reject the family unit, betray one another, injure each other, and abandon our homes. We accept these behaviors as a culture. We realize this isn't natural but necessary to maintain "peace" for those we "love". We call ourselves being protective by hiding and suppressing the true and natural desire to nurture.

We don't have an acctual culture. What we have is a hodge-podge of mis-matched abusive practices and conditioning. We have a legacy of influences which has left us angry, confused, and in turmoil. Our communities are suffering. We suffer from anxiety, depression, low-self esteem, fear, and resistance. At the crux of it all, lies distrust. One of the worse things we habitually do is, shun the curiosity of our children. Answer their questions. If you don't have the answers, find them and share them openly and lovingly. We are negligently stifling their growth, maturity, and potential toward greatness and in the process, pointing the finger at others.

You are your child's FIRST and STRONGEST influence and teacher. You are the ambassador for your child's future. Your actions are perceived as "how life is" by your child. Be very careful of your choices. The level of anger in our Chicago streets* and schools is NOT disproportionate to the level of anger and despair witnessed at "HOME". Our children watch our actions and "listen" to our conversations, our opinions....intensely. They receive our emotions through repetition. Start learning to seek solutions, when a problem arises. Put those solutions to action. Allow our children to learn that there is always a better way. Realize that when you continually encounter strong obstacles, you need to change your path. You are the common denominator in all your problems. Aggression and hostility is never to be used as an instrument for respect. It will only serve to perpetuate fear. The very fear that incites rage to begin with. It becomes a vicious cycle.

We are afraid to trust. We are afraid of what we "think" we can't do. We are afraid to put forth effort. We are afraid to fail. We are afraid of ridicule by our peers and family. We are afraid to succeed (that's the saddest). Learn to understand that we only need to fear God, the rest is a piece of cake. The biggest problem we have as "Black People"*, is we want someone to tell us what we can do. We're constantly seeking and waiting for permission and assistance. Get up and DO IT YOURSELF. My mother used to fuss and say, "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself". Now, as I got older, I realized that many of my peers grew up hearing that very same statement, regardless* of race. I simply thought that lady was being mean. Yet, of the many things she would say, that statement is by far among my favorites.

The written word is a powerful tool. Use it to your advantage. READ, READ, READ. Read for entertainment. Read for understanding. Read for information and direction. Read to take an emotional journey. Read to teach your children to read. Stop under-estimating yourself and others. Stop under-estimating our children. Most of all, PLEASE stop ridiculing and injuring our children's natural curiosity and eagerness to learn and excel. We learn fear by witnessed and perpetuated fear. Take those first steps and teach yourself and your children to soar. Those fear mongers and fools who instilled this belief system in our psyches are long gone. Leave them there and create a stronger future. Create a true culture of awareness. Create a true culture of love. Create a true culture of inner strength. Create a true culture of confidence. Create a true culture of trusting and giving.

Note: There are words I marked with an asterick (*). I need to address these words.

1. Pain..........This pain appears in many forms, whether it is by abusive behavior, negligence or disappointment.

2. Black People....I notice over the decades we've taken on the identity of "African Americans", and it conveniently makes it an easy address for people of other races to use. Personally, I am curious, as to which country in that great continent would I identify. Are we coastal or more inland. If coastal, would it be nearer the western coast or eastern coast, northernly or more southernly. I cannot claim dual citizenship, of a continent to which I have never set foot and have no true connection.

3. Regardless...This word has been misused too frequently, and accepted as such. There is NO SUCH WORD AS "irregardless". That would actually be a double negative indicating full regard. Think it through.